The Argus Blues

I just can't wait for the Argus Cycle tour to be over. Not that I have a problem with the tour. I'm actually quite proud the largest cycle tour in the world takes place in my city. I also have absolutely no problem spending a day at home because all the roads around me are closed. So if you're one of those who get all angry and uptight because you're trying to drive somewhere and the roads are closed - tough. It's not my problem if you're too thick to plan in advance.

No. My problem is with all those cyclists who come out the woodwork running up to The Argus. Not the professional cyclists who know how to cycle on a public road, but all those "joy-rider" cyclists. You know the one's I'm taking about: The one's who cheerfully cycle two or three abreast, holding up traffic while having a casual conversation with the person next to him/her. The ones who cycle straight through stop streets and red traffic lights. I realise you get them all year-round - not just running up to the Argus. You just get so many more of them around Argus time it's kinda hard to ignore.

So if one of those cyclists are reading this column please, oh please, explain this to me: If you cycle through a red robot, or stop street, does that mean you also drive through red traffic lights and stop streets in your car? If not, why not? Don't you think the same rules of the road apply equally to both motorists and cyclists? And if so, how can you justify the different actions? Motorists get fined heavily for committing these transgressions. I think cyclists should too. And I don't think it would be a bad idea at all if cyclists had to go for "drivers licence" tests too.

Normally I would forget about these idiots the moment after cursing them while driving past, but a weekend or two ago they actually had me in a shaking rage. I was driving over Chapman's Peak - where there are signs at the beginning of each side of the pass, clearly asking cyclist to stay in single file - and came across clusters of cyclists riding two or more abreast four times.

One of these instances happened on a blind bend where I had to swerve partly into the oncoming lane to avoid a cyclist. Now fortunately there was no car in the opposite lane, but if I had to choose between swerving and hitting another car head-on, or knocking over a cyclist, I'd pick the cyclist. And once I'd made sure he was OK, I would sue him for the repairs to my car. Hell, I might even sue him for emotional distress and the inconvenience of having to deal with insurance claims.

Now I understand that Chapman's Peak is a wonderfully scenic route and with the rehabilitation parts of it have been broadened substantially, easily allowing enough space for both motorist and cyclist. But some parts of the pass are still very narrow with no real space for cyclists and I don't think cyclists should be allowed there. The same applies for parts of Constantia Nek and the Main road between Muizenberg and Simon's Town.

Cyclists may say that they have as much right to the road as motorists do. With respect, I disagree. Roads are infrastructure. Their main purpose is to connect point A to B. So trucks can transport goods from one city to another, and people can drive between home and work. Using the road for recreational use is of much less importance.

Claims have been made that Cape Town does not have a cycle-friendly culture. I agree. There are many beautiful parts of Cape Town that could be better experienced by bicycle than by car. So I fully support calls for more cycle-friendly routes and roads. But I don't think the lack thereof means cyclists have the right to act like sacred cows on our roads.

Metallica Rocked Cape Town!

The day we heard Metallica was playing at the Coca Cola Colab Massive Mix, my girlfriend booked the tickets. Golden Circle, no less, and driving through on the day of the concert we we’re listening to their Black album at full tilt!

Now since neither of us are teenagers anymore we decided beforehand we weren’t going to go for the full twelve hours, or bother trying to queue for alcoholic beverages, specially after all the negative publicity surrounding the Centurion concert.

We arrived just after 8:00pm and entering the stadium grounds heard Collective Soul starting their gig. We entered at gate 5 - by then there was no queue, Yay! And then proceeded to the golden circle, which we found with some difficulty since the entrance didn’t appear to be signposted. Again we probably got in under a minute, Double yay! The golden circle enclosure fortunately wasn’t too crammed, although it did look like the contents of a giant sardine can at the front of the stage. Collective Soul was great, playing all my favourite songs, but let’s face it. We were there for one reason and one reason only: Metallica!

During the change over my girlfriend and I decided to dart out and try our luck at one of the bars. Well, it seems our luck run out at that point. The queues were seriously long and had we joined them probably would have missed a couple of Metallica’s songs. Of course we could still see it on the big screen, but we wanted to see them in person! So we decided to go for soft drinks and those concession stands were virtually empty. We got some cokes in no time and paid a very fair price – R6 each for two bottles of 500ml coke.

Now since bladder control is quite a priority at our advanced ages we were quite happy to see rows of portable loos inside the stadium. Again there was a substantial waiting list at the loos just outside the golden circle, but you could walk right in at the ones at the back of the stadium. In that regard we felt quite fortunate.

Then it was back to the golden circle and we joined our friends about 30m from the stage – far enough from the sardine can but close enough to have a great view of Metallica. Shockingly enough there were technical problems at the start of their performance – the lights didn’t go out – so it probably wasn’t Eskom’s fault, but some of their instruments lost sound. James Hetfield quickly disappeared off the stage and I felt really sorry for the person he was going to be having a conversation with. The rest of the band didn’t seem too put out, even asking if there was a comedian in the audience to entertain us. The glitches were sorted out in a couple of minutes and Hetfield appeared back on stage, joking they had been cut off because there wasn’t enough “metal” in the song. We weren’t too upset – we were seeing Metallica live in Cape Town, something neither of us had ever dreamed of as school children – but I’ve seen R.E.M, Counting Crows, Live and The Offspring in Cape Town and those concerts went off without a hitch. Considering the magnitude of this concert and the ticket prices people paid, nothing less than a flawless evening was expected.

Metallica were superb. The initial glitch aside they are not only amazingly talented musicians, but also very professional in their approach to performing. They gave their all in each song, which is no mean feat considering they performed for over two hours – much longer than any “stand alone” concert I’ve seen before. My girlfriend also saw them in Arkansas last year, something she feels she needs to remind me of on a regular basis (not to mention U2 at Madison Square Gardens), and also felt the performance was awesome, but substantially longer. The transitions between the different songs and albums – from their latest album to their very first – were very smooth and they didn’t break the momentum by continuously talking between songs. They were there to party and play music. And that’s what they did. As only Metallica can.

If you were at the concert, I’d love to know what you thought!

By the way, at the end of Metallica’s performance Hetfield cryptically said “See you soon” and don’t quote me on this, but I’ve heard they’re coming back next year… With the Red Hot Chilli Peppers! Triple Yay!

Good Service? In Cape Town??!

For a long time there’s been an attitude, sometimes deservedly so, that service in entertainment establishments in Cape Town, well, sucks. Like a Boeing’s air intake. But recently I have been on the receiving end of some surprisingly good service at Cape Town restaurants.

We began our evening at Café Royal and barely started warming our seats when a little old lady arrived to take our drinks order. Agog at the speedy attendance, we mumbled we hadn’t decided yet, and the little old lady replied she would go and finish her cigarette and come back.

After processing our drinks order, the little old lady jumped the gun on us again with our food order, so we had to send her away again. I like to think of that as “a geriatric exercise regime in the work place”. Yes, I know, I really do deserve that United Nations humanitarian award.

Now for some reason of late I have found myself in social settings surrounded by, dare I say it… vegetarians. Shhh – now don’t tell my farming family up north. I’ll never get free meat again. And I have come to learn that menu’s are not a vegetarian’s friend.

Café Royale has no less than eight vegetarian burgers on their menu which, in my opinion, is eight too many. They also have an extensive list of pizzas, but the sprout eaters saw fit to alter both their orders. Our waitress, god bless her, just said no problem and brought us our food. And these weren’t those abominations McDonald’s serves up as hamburgers that you finish in four bites. These were the kind of hamburgers that give your mouth stretch marks when you try to bite into them. I am ashamed to admit I had no recourse but to take the top bun off and eat it separately.

Apparently they vegetarian burgers were very good. I resolutely and proudly refused to be lured over to the dark side by passing hamburger through my mouth that did not have dead animal in it.

After dinner, and consuming copious amounts of alcohol it was time for the solemn ceremony of the after-dinner-cigarette. Unfortunately I had already run out, so asked our waitress if they had a vending machine. To my utter dismay they hadn’t, and the nearest shop was across the street.

Now since I was not feeling particularly athletic, I transfixed the waitress with my best doe-eyed-look (of course a vegetarian would have no idea what I’m talking about here), and asked her if she would get me a packet, not really expecting a positive response. What I got was a smile and a “sure, no problem”. The last time I had been so shocked was when I learned my parents had actually had carnal relations with one another.

So perhaps there is a Santa Claus, pigs can fly and Tony Leon will be our next president. OK. So perhaps the last one’s a bit far fetched.